Monday, February 27, 2006

35) I do not like running. I am a thoughtless beast when I run. I am not a beast but a man forced to drift into bestial ways. I may resemble a beast. I shall take this up with the good Doctor. There is no one other to select me, to mark me with a sign, so that people, however reduced and repugnant themselves, know at a glance that my lumbering self, the heap parting the smoking grass, is like them in a small way: the running from errors or defects fate has thrown. But I fear it is only a dim somewhere, among a near-extinguished tribe badly in need of fresh soldiers, perhaps, where I might find a home. It is my own fault, yammering on about a home. Should I rid myself of so stupid an idea, then I might find peace, as I knew in the ice, when I was giving my life away in tiny degrees. Home is a place to finish all at once: I do not believe I can. Dr. Creep will not let me. Home is wandering, such as I'm meant to do. So why does home occur to me at all?

Fire. It is fast. My burnt meat's smoke mixes with that of the weeds. It fills my nostrils, and is just behind. Faster animals pass. I follow them, and the givens of wind and lay of the land, to safety. No siren sounds here. Fire may burn for days and no notice is taken, I suspect. Few trees, fewer buildings, no one cares.
As I blunder though the freshvine, watch the alarm birds bank, I see a break ahead. An automobile runs through it. Good lord, a highway. I rush ahead. Silent road. I hug the brush. Lads bound by as the fire follows at my back. A vehicle appears, a solid box of a car. It meant to skirt the flames, which are now at the berm of the shoulder. God bless the lads who mounted the road just then. The vehicle swerved to avoid them but hit them just the same. For me, o.k. The occupants are out cold, maybe dead. I throw them to the grass. I take their place. I can do this. I watched my little host back in Ushuaia operate such a machine. Among other occasions. I've got the thing running down the road.